My insides feel like a young girl, standing in a bitter cold rain, staring up at the sky, wondering why things are the way they are... wondering if this is all there is... feeling at the base of her soul the raw hope of something, but unsure what that something is... like a fisherman, adrift on a choppy see for months, straining his eyes for any sight, real or imagined, of a strip of land on the horizon... even if it is a rocky catastrophe bent on destroying his ship, and therefore him.... a sight of anything... bursting with hope while simultaneously bursting with despair.
Hmmm... despair... wow. I didn't realize that until I started writing this. Despair. For all intents and purposes, I should be right as rain... Nothing to be all conflicted about, really... But I am... Fighting the urge to go running off in the last direction anyone would look for me... fighting the urge to disappear for a few days, to put myself through some serious internal spring cleaning... But I'm still hopeful of something... hopeful and terrified...
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