May 7, 2009 - Gladiator Q-tips

When I was little, I used to watch American Gladiator religiously. When they came out with the new one recently, however, I wasn't interested in the slightest. Perhaps all that was necessary to enjoy it was a mind without the scars and callouses of life - a mind blissfully untainted by reality.


My favorite challenge for the contenders was when they had to stand on a platform on a pillar, and pummel and be pummeled by giant Q-tip looking things while clad in unitards (I friggin love that word). Obviously, the objective was to not fall off their pedestal while making their challenger plummet to the world below.

In my mind, I feel like a wimpy contender, lacking the muscles and brawn of normal challengers, standing shakily on a pedestal that is simply too small, my menacing Q-tip used only to aid my balance. Every once in a while, the American Gladiator I face will slam his fluffy Q-tip into my head in the form of an epiphany, a sudden truth, or, worst of all, a memory - memories so damn powerful my whole body reels, time slows down, I relive the moment... Up until now, I've been able to maintain my balance, but only by the grace of God. Though the audience cheers me on, secretly, they want to see me fall.

And fall I will. Of that, I'm certain.

K'ed!